Happy New, Not New, Year

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:19

Well, a new year is here. We’ve collectively rolled up the carpet on a crazy, exciting, hard, fun, joyful, sad, “all-the-things” year. I have seen the full gamut of emotions on my social media about the closing of 2018, and the same excitement and anticipation for something new in 2019. I too am looking forward to the future, whatever God has in store, including the lessons I’ll learn, the joys I’ll share and the heartbreak that I know will make me stronger. 

As I look over the last year, I have seen God do some incredible things. I have seen His lavish provision for our little family. We’ve traveled for work, pleasure, and missions. He has taught Josh and I so much through our marriage as we learn more about each other - what makes us tick, what scares us, and what makes us happy - and He’s guided us through small and major decisions. 

One of those major decisions has pretty much dominated the last three months of our lives. In October, Josh was approached by someone in his company about a promotion that included a relocation. This is a job he’s wanted for several years, and he’s worked very hard to get there. He was excited about the prospect and excited about those he was about to report to. It was totally “new” and “exciting”. Y’all… I wrestled with the decision for a while. The prospect of what could be in the new, cool, trendy city we were looking at was enticing. But my heart loves the place we’re in - our people, our church, our home. To spare you the incredibly long process we went through, once we were ready to put our house on the market and say goodbye, God provided an opportunity for us  (at the last hour but just the right time) to stay right where we are while Josh still gets the promotion he’s been working so hard for.

I must admit that I’ve been a little taken aback by the emotions and thoughts I’ve been wrestling with since that decision was made final. I’m excited to be able to stay in the home I love with our people that we love spending time with, in our church that we are super involved in. But there is a sense of sadness of what “newness” I missed. Especially when I see everyone posting about looking forward to a “new” year. 

You see, I go back to the same job I’ve been at for the last nine years. I love it, mainly because of the people I get to help and minister to. But ministry is hard… and tiring… and frustrating… and maddening… and icky… and just rough sometimes. I’ve been through all of that and I’ve been in a pretty long season of truthfully feeling restless. However, it is completely obvious to me that He is not interested in moving me any time soon. In fact, despite my best efforts to close the door, He is proving to me that HE is the only one who opens and shuts doors. 

So I’ve been contemplating about the “newness” of a new calendar year. It’s as if I’ve been  conditioned to believe that the switch from December to January has to contain a “new start”. We all love the song “Oceans”, and loudly proclaim “You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown” and believe that it means that if I’m not moving on to something new, I’m not really doing anything spectacular for the Lord. (I think this is a major Millennial, hipster thing. Wanderlust and all that.) But I think God began something in my heart and life 9 years ago that hasn’t been finished yet.

I mean, I think about Jesus’ life. We hear a lot about his birth, and then you hear some stuff about him in his preteen years, but the Bible doesn’t give us a lot more information about His life until He started His earthly ministry at the ripe age of 30! That’s at least 18 years that we don’t see Him walking on water, healing sick people, and introducing Jew and Gentile to His Father. He was in Nazareth preparing for at least 18 years for the big things God had in store for Him. 

So perhaps the Lord isn’t moving me on because there’s still work to be done. I came to Texas with big dreams and a full heart. I wanted to write, continuing leading worship, and to make a difference in the new place he had brought me. I’ve allowed myself to become jaded and have let hard things discourage and distract me. But no more. I’m excited about the new year because I’m going to make a conscious effort to get back to that 23-year-old girl who truly believed that anything was possible if God was in it. I’m no longer going to make excuses for why I can’t, or won’t do what He’s asked me to do. 

If you’re in the same kind of place that I am- the same old newness as usual - figure out what hasn’t been done yet and do that to the glory of God. 

Happy “new, not new” year!